On – Li​n​e Dating 101

Whether you’re a seasoned On-Line dater or debating to jump off the dock into the pond of plenty, here are some tips from others that may help you navigate through the vast open seas.

First and foremost, for whatever reason life has brought you to this place, this is now YOUR TIME. Ask yourself a very important question “Why”. Why have you decided to join whatever site you’ve chosen and what are you looking or hoping to find. Maybe you aren’t certain, these are your perimeters, however, if you’re hoping for something specific, don’t set yourself up to fail right out of the gate. There’s quite literally (and sometimes shocking to be honest) anything and everything out there waiting if you look hard enough. Determining the 5 W’s Who, What, Why, Where and When will narrow the playing field for you.

I’m personally not a fan of serial dating (no judgements if you are – again, your rules) and since my separation 5.5yrs ago, the truth is I may have 20-25 “meets” under my belt, however, I have learned what not to do, or what didnt work for me and countless friends, both male and female who have confided their own experiences. The struggles are real for both sexes. Here’s some insight that hopefully can guide you towards a successful “match”.

Profiling the Profile

PROFILE PICTURES Your profile is now your brand. Decide how you wish to be “seen” and how you wish to advertise yourself. Seriously, it’s online shopping to be blunt, not dating, you haven’t met these countless strangers. First impressions are just that. If you put up half naked boudoir pics or bathroom selfies, sultry duck lips (guys.. SO not attractive on a man – for real, disturbing actually), shirtless Firefighters in bunker gear (LADIES, turn and run!!!!! Unless you want to be another notch added to the fire hose and discussed around the station communal area) I’m a sucker for man in uniform too, however they well know the attention they will receive without even trying, simply because they wear a badge. You will be assumed exactly as you’re promoting. We do attract what we seek. These are immediate hard NO’s for me. Advertise your “product” effectively and honestly. Make sure your pics are CURRENT. I’ve heard and experienced this many times myself. You will be setting yourself up for disappointment and likely hurt if you post pics from 10 years ago and possibly 10-40lbs thinner. Let go of the scraps of your youth and embrace who you are TODAY. Eventually, if all goes well, there will be a “meet” planned. I never call the first meeting, a date as I don’t feel that it is. A date is if it goes well and you haven’t already requested the bill before the first drink is even served (true story). I personally would prefer to be a pleasant surprise and exceed any possible expectations than to cause the surprise and obvious disappointment as I’m nothing as I lead them to believe. Trust me, friends, your personality might be wonderful, but to set someone up in the hopes you’d charm them to like you once meeting, you will be mistaken and they will most definitely be not only hurt but angry that you began this journey with them based on a mistruth. Picture, Age and Location are the first check marks – make sure you’re being authentic and honest, you’ll save everyone’s time. And NO PICTURES OF YOUR CHILDREN – this always blows my mind. Hello people, STRANGER DANGER!

Writing the Profile

Writing nothing comes across like you simply can’t be bothered, and maybe this is the case. If you can’t take the time to jot down a few basic words about yourself, says how much energy you’re willing to put into meeting someone. Keep it simple and for the LOVE OF GOD, do spell check. Again, it’s the little things. A few RED FLAGS; “Not looking for any drama”… I’ve read this countless times. Do you honestly think anyone ever puts “Searching for Drama and Conflict”? Here’s some insight, NOBODY IS. you’re not that unique to this. It comes across like you’ve either been burned or you’ve caused the drama so it seems to follow you. Reads jaded and bitter “cut”. Don’t bring up your previous experiences or mishaps, how horrible your ex is, keep it light, positive, a few of your interests. Showcasing how much money you have, hints of sailing around the world to possibly entice possible suitors – may attract some interest, but what kind of interest? To each his or her own, but if you have to bribe people to spend time with you – well that’s just sad. I’d immediately pass you by as you come across as desperate, not confident.

Remember your profile is the first thing people will see, the first impression. Decide how you wish to be perceived and the kind of individuals you hope to attract. For those paddling through the waters, please remember, not everyone is honest. You truly don’t know ANYTHING about that “profile” you’ve just swiped “right” on. Only what they intend for you to see.

Please be careful out there, open waters can turn tretorous without warning – don’t get caught without a lifejacket and a flare. You won’t know what’s swimming right below.

When to Accept, They’re Just Not Into You…

I had a dear friend reach out early last week, pretty heartbroken as the woman he had been dating for the last 8 months ended the relationship via text (yup… TEXT).

Recognizing there are always three sides to every story, I listened. All had appeared great – was pretty much a sealed deal upon first meeting after both swiping “right” on a dating site. They were for the most part inseparable. He advised she had begun to pull away and excuses started on the “why’s” of how she’s “too busy”, “just a bad time right now”, “dealing with issues”…. then my internal BS radar went off… I offered nothing UNTIL I was asked. Don’t ask my advice if you’d prefer a watered down version.

Bottom line, plain and simple. People are never “too busy” for things that matter to them. Her long list of excuses was just that, BS reasons to avoid seeing him. I should add; single ladies – he’s a pretty fabulous 40-something, feel free to inquire :).

He back peddled a bit trying to convince me (HIMSELF) of the possibility that MAYBE she is busy .. (nope – she’s just not into you), all the stages of denial reared their faces. Bottom line, it’s irrelevant if “someday” her laundry list of excuses miraculously are completed. The reality is, he may never know why it ended, but the sad truth is, that it had. Struggling with the reasons why won’t help or change the result. The fact that a grown adult woman, whom his daughter also became invested also was tossed to the waste side on top of the cowards way out of a text break up – in my opinion, he dodged a huge bullet.

Time spent (over) analyzing reasons to why someone did or didn’t do something are irrelevant, the actions were their choice to make… the only thing you CAN control, is how you choose to react. Your value isn’t measured by someone else’s inability to recognise your worth, never assign anyone that much authority on your life. If someone doesn’t choose you, that’s ok… not everyone will, except for the right ones.

Stay strong BP – shes out there, and if she is allowed your heart, she will be one extremely lucky lady.

“BYE FELECIA”.